STEEL PANTHER: THE GREATEST BAND IN THE WORLD!
by: Adam Glass
WARNING: Steel Panther’s music contains foul language, adult content, satanic imagery, and depictions of sexually deviant fantasies that may offend the religious right, the unreligious left, fat girls, skinny girls, metrosexuals, animal lovers, animal haters, hippies, skinheads, the current presidential administration and people with ears.
So goes the disclaimer on Panther’s first CD.
Let me start by saying Steel Panther is not for everyone. However, they should be. I truly believe if everyone had more Panther in their life we would have no more crime, wars and violence in the world. Panther is made up of Michael Starr (vocals), Satchel (guitars), Lexxi Foxx (Bass) and Stix Zadinia (Drums). Yup, that’s right. Sticks it in ya.
The band got their start in Los Angeles by being an 80’s hair metal tribute band called Metal Skool. In 2003 they changed their name to Steel Panther and released their first independent CD called “Hole Patrol”. Now if this doesn’t tell you a little about them you are just plain stupid. It’s around this time you may have been introduced to them through a Discover Card commercial where they played a fictional band by the name of Danger Kitty. They portray a world dominating band that is now reduced to playing Bar Mitzvahs.
After toiling away in clubs playing other bands hit songs for most of the decade, Steel Panther released their first major label disc “Feel the Steel” and what a kick ass record it is. Every song is near perfection from beginning to end. If you liked 80’s hair bands like Poison, Bon Jovi and Def Leppard this disc will be right up your alley. It’s all of them and more rolled into one very dirty little package. Through word of mouth the album peaked at #98 on the Billboard 200. All the songs are standout tracks and it’s hard to just pick a few favorites but songs like “Community Property”, “Eatin Ain’t Cheatin”, “Turn Out the Lights” and “The Shocker” certainly could have been HUGE hits in the 80’s if the lyrics weren’t so dirty. And we wouldn’t have it any other way because “dirty” is what makes Panther stand out in a world with way too much Lady Gaga and Katy Perry.
Their sophomore record, 2011’s “Balls Out” was an even bigger hit debuting at No. 4 on the US iTunes Rock chart, No. 40 on the Billboard 200 chart and at No. 1 on the Billboard Comedy chart with first-week sales of 12,000 copies in the US alone. “Balls Out” is a little heavier and much dirtier with songs such as “That’s What Girls Are For”, “Gold-Digging Whore” and “Tomorrow Night” with the ultimate chorus lyrics: “I’m going to a party/Tomorrow night, tomorrow night/I’m gonna get some pussy/Tomorrow night, tomorrow night/But tonight I’m gonna jerk off (Aww, feels good!)”. Some people may think the lyrics juvenile and to a certain extent they are but it’s still funny as hell when you hear a 40 something year old man singing them.
Which brings us to the present and 2013’s “All You Can Eat”. Gone is the 80’s vibe but in its place is a more 90’s rock and bluesy sound especially on the tracks “Gloryhole”, “Ten Strikes You’re Out” and “If I Was The King”. The hilarity is still there but dare I say the music itself is more mature and contemporary sounding. The highlight for me is the STYX sounding “Bukkake Tears” (I will not explain that song, you will have to listen for yourself).
I’ve been a fan of the Panther since 2010 and have seen them many times in concert. If you think they are crazy on record then you NEED to see their live show. Dial the insanity up to 11! Spinal Tap did it first but Steel Panther do it louder, faster and better. These guys are not only fun and funny but are great musicians that can compete with the best of them. They have been around the world selling out shows for the past four years and are now getting ready to head out on the Judas Priest – 2014 Redeemer of Souls Tour and also have headlining shows on tap for the UK in 2015. Then hopefully it’s back to the studio for another new disc. With all this issues in Russia and the Ukraine they need some Panther out there to show them the way to peace and quick.
All You Can Eat 2014/2015 World Tour Dates:
Oct 01 Main Street Armory Rochester, NY
Oct 03 The Venue at Horseshoe Casino Hammond, IN
Oct 04 Louder Than Life Festival Louisville, KY
Oct 09 Barclays Brooklyn, NY
Oct 10 Harrah’s Atlantic City, NJ
Oct 11 MGM Grand Theater at Foxwood’s Mashantucket, CT
Oct 14 Tsongas Center at UMass Lowell, MA
Oct 15 PPL Center Allentown, PA
Oct 17 IZOD Center East Rutherford, NJ
Oct 18 Petersen Events Center Pittsburgh, PA
Oct 19 Fox Theatre Detroit, MI
Oct 21 Arvest Bank Theatre Kansas City, MO
Oct 22 Ford Center Evansville, IN
Oct 24 Pier Six Pavilion Baltimore, MD
Oct 25 nTelos Wireless Pavilion Portsmouth, VA
Oct 26 Charter Amphitheatre Simpsonville, SC
Oct 28 The Arena at Gwinnett Center Duluth, GA
Oct 30 Hard Rock Live Arena Hollywood, FL
Nov 02 Concrete Street Amphitheater Corpus Christi, TX
Nov 04 Laredo Energy Arena Laredo, TX
Nov 06 Allen Event Center Allen, TX
Nov 08 Don Haskins Center El Paso, TX
Nov 10 Nokia Los Angeles, CA
Nov 12 Jobing Arena Phoenix, AZ
Nov 13 San Manuel Casino Highland, CA
Nov 14 The Pearl Las Vegas, NV
Nov 16 City National Civic San Jose, CA
Nov 18 Maverik Center Salt Lake City, UT
Nov 19 1STBANK Center Denver, CO
Nov 21 CenturyLink Arena Boise, ID
Nov 22 Tacoma Dome Tacoma, WA
Mar 06, 2015 O2 Apollo Manchester Manchester, UK
Mar 07, 2015 O2 Apollo Manchester Manchester, UK
Mar 09, 2015 O2 Academy Glasgow Glasgow, UK
Mar 12, 2015 Wolverhampton Civic Hall Wolverhampton, UK
Mar 14, 2015 SSE Arena, Wembley London, UK