STEEL PANTHER: THE GREATEST BAND IN THE WORLD!

by: Adam Glass

WARNING: Steel Panther’s music contains foul language, adult content, satanic imagery, and depictions of sexually deviant fantasies that may offend the religious right, the unreligious left, fat girls, skinny girls, metrosexuals, animal lovers, animal haters, hippies, skinheads, the current presidential administration and people with ears.

So goes the disclaimer on Panther’s first CD.

Let me start by saying Steel Panther is not for everyone. However, they should be. I truly believe if everyone had more Panther in their life we would have no more crime, wars and violence in the world. Panther is made up of Michael Starr (vocals), Satchel (guitars), Lexxi Foxx (Bass) and Stix Zadinia (Drums). Yup, that’s right. Sticks it in ya.

The band got their start in Los Angeles by being an 80’s hair metal tribute band called Metal Skool. In 2003 they changed their name to Steel Panther and released their first independent CD called “Hole Patrol”. Now if this doesn’t tell you a little about them you are just plain stupid.  It’s around this time you may have been introduced to them through a Discover Card commercial where they played a fictional band by the name of Danger Kitty.  They portray a world dominating band that is now reduced to playing Bar Mitzvahs.  

After toiling away in clubs playing other bands hit songs for most of the decade, Steel Panther released their first major label disc “Feel the Steel” and what a kick ass record it is. Every song is near perfection from beginning to end. If you liked 80’s hair bands like Poison, Bon Jovi and Def Leppard this disc will be right up your alley. It’s all of them and more rolled into one very dirty little package. Through word of mouth the album peaked at #98 on the Billboard 200.  All the songs are standout tracks and it’s hard to just pick a few favorites but songs like “Community Property”, “Eatin Ain’t Cheatin”, “Turn Out the Lights” and “The Shocker” certainly could have been HUGE hits in the 80’s if the lyrics weren’t so dirty. And we wouldn’t have it any other way because “dirty” is what makes Panther stand out in a world with way too much Lady Gaga and Katy Perry.

Their sophomore record, 2011’s “Balls Out” was an even bigger hit debuting at No. 4 on the US iTunes Rock chart, No. 40 on the Billboard 200 chart and at No. 1 on the Billboard Comedy chart with first-week sales of 12,000 copies in the US alone. “Balls Out” is a little heavier and much dirtier with songs such as “That’s What Girls Are For”, “Gold-Digging Whore” and “Tomorrow Night” with the ultimate chorus lyrics: “I’m going to a party/Tomorrow night, tomorrow night/I’m gonna get some pussy/Tomorrow night, tomorrow night/But tonight I’m gonna jerk off (Aww, feels good!)”. Some people may think the lyrics juvenile and to a certain extent they are but it’s still funny as hell when you hear a 40 something year old man singing them.

Which brings us to the present and 2013’s “All You Can Eat”.  Gone is the 80’s vibe but in its place is a more 90’s rock and bluesy sound especially on the tracks “Gloryhole”, “Ten Strikes You’re Out” and “If I Was The King”. The hilarity is still there but dare I say the music itself is more mature and contemporary sounding. The highlight for me is the STYX sounding “Bukkake Tears” (I will not explain that song, you will have to listen for yourself).

I’ve been a fan of the Panther since 2010 and have seen them many times in concert. If you think they are crazy on record then you NEED to see their live show. Dial the insanity up to 11! Spinal Tap did it first but Steel Panther do it louder, faster and better. These guys are not only fun and funny but are great musicians that can compete with the best of them. They have been around the world selling out shows for the past four years and are now getting ready to head out on the Judas Priest – 2014 Redeemer of Souls Tour and also have headlining shows on tap for the UK in 2015. Then hopefully it’s back to the studio for another new disc. With all this issues in Russia and the Ukraine they need some Panther out there to show them the way to peace and quick.

All You Can Eat 2014/2015 World Tour Dates:

Oct 01  Main Street Armory  Rochester, NY    

 Oct 03  The Venue at Horseshoe Casino   Hammond, IN    

 Oct 04  Louder Than Life Festival  Louisville, KY    

 Oct 09  Barclays   Brooklyn, NY    

 Oct 10  Harrah’s   Atlantic City, NJ    

 Oct 11  MGM Grand Theater at Foxwood’s   Mashantucket, CT    

 Oct 14  Tsongas Center at UMass  Lowell, MA    

 Oct 15  PPL Center  Allentown, PA    

 Oct 17  IZOD Center  East Rutherford, NJ    

 Oct 18  Petersen Events Center  Pittsburgh, PA    

 Oct 19  Fox Theatre  Detroit, MI    

 Oct 21  Arvest Bank Theatre   Kansas City, MO    

 Oct 22  Ford Center  Evansville, IN    

 Oct 24  Pier Six Pavilion  Baltimore, MD    

 Oct 25  nTelos Wireless Pavilion  Portsmouth, VA    

 Oct 26  Charter Amphitheatre   Simpsonville, SC    

 Oct 28  The Arena at Gwinnett Center   Duluth, GA    

 Oct 30  Hard Rock Live Arena  Hollywood, FL    

 Nov 02  Concrete Street Amphitheater  Corpus Christi, TX    

 Nov 04  Laredo Energy Arena  Laredo, TX    

 Nov 06  Allen Event Center  Allen, TX    

 Nov 08  Don Haskins Center  El Paso, TX    

 Nov 10  Nokia   Los Angeles, CA    

 Nov 12  Jobing Arena  Phoenix, AZ    

 Nov 13  San Manuel Casino   Highland, CA    

 Nov 14  The Pearl   Las Vegas, NV    

 Nov 16  City National Civic  San Jose, CA    

 Nov 18  Maverik Center  Salt Lake City, UT    

 Nov 19  1STBANK Center   Denver, CO    

 Nov 21  CenturyLink Arena   Boise, ID    

 Nov 22  Tacoma Dome  Tacoma, WA    

 Mar 06, 2015  O2 Apollo Manchester  Manchester, UK    

 Mar 07, 2015  O2 Apollo Manchester  Manchester, UK    

 Mar 09, 2015  O2 Academy Glasgow  Glasgow, UK    

 Mar 12, 2015  Wolverhampton Civic Hall  Wolverhampton, UK    

 Mar 14, 2015  SSE Arena, Wembley  London, UK